A coalition of 20 blog sites issued a joint statement declaring the main stream media "dead, extinct and encrusted in amber." "We are the conscience of America and the only ones practicing fearless journalism unlike the corporate toadies who pass themselves off as reporters," the emailed missive declares. Signers to the statement include such well known sites as Daily Kuss, MonkeyBladder, BuzzFlush, Wankerette, GetOffTheCrapper and NakedBadger. A new study of blog site content by the Annenberg School of Communications at the University of Pennsylvania  found they consist of 60% links to MSM stories, 20% links to other blog links to MSM stories, 15% personal rants and 5% promotional plugs for media forums the bloggers attend to speak about how they are replacing the MSM.

Huffington to bloggers: look out here I come 

Former DC issues salon hostess cum conservative cum liberal commentator Arianna Huffington says she sees a gaping hole in the blogosphere: the lack of media elites. That's why she's launching the "Huffington FactorBlog" which will feature such luminaries as Tina Brown, Dan Brown, Charlie Brown and Jason Blair. Asked the difference between online magazines that have been around for years such as Slate, and a blog, Huffington said "blogs use preformatted templates which therefore creates a whole new form of online journalism."

Los Angeles Times Editorial Editor Michael Kinsley announced that pop singer Britney Spears will author a weekly column for the Op-Ed page. "We realized the need to add more female voices to our opinion section and Britney brings a post-millennial perspective on sociopolitical trends from a neo-feminist paradigm," Kinsley said. When reached for a reaction to her selection, Ms. Spears said "this is like, totally like awesome" before she had to cut short the phone call due to a piece of gum stuck in her throat. 


Former CBS Evening News anchor Dan Rather has been spotted in New York subway stations selling folksy, Texas inspired similes for $5 apiece. One buyer, a tourist from Holland, said he was delighted with the phrase Rather wrote on a blank index card describing the subway stench "as smelling more tart than  Amardillo roadkill festering in a July afternoon blaze on Highway 61." Rather said he's always wanted to put his ability to "turn a phrase" to better use and now has plenty of time to do so.  


The Omnivore Media Group announced they will begin offering to have their fake reporters tape individual local station promos to include in their government sponsored video news releases. "We've received many requests from news directors who want to promote our fake reporters as part of their own action news teams, so we're happy to oblige," said a company producer. Despite the General Accounting Office labeling these prepackaged reports as "covert propaganda," the Bush Administration is ramping up production. Upcoming reports include "President Bush: father of Middle East democracy," and "Personal accounts or dog food: your retirement choice."


CNN launched a new practice of firing taser guns at their news anchors and randomly jolting them with 50,000 volts of electricity. "There was definitely electricity in the air when reporter Rick Sanchez subjected himself to a taser. Unexpectedly zapping our anchors will elicit more energy, excitement and passion ," said a CNN executive. Sanchez is planning next to demonstrate what it's like to experience the electric chair. 


Noted historian Doris Kearns Goodwin will wear a new hat as the gossip columnist for the Washington Post. Goodwin replaces Washington Post reporter Richard Lieby who recently gave up the column after experiencing a nervous breakdown after typing the name "Paris Hilton." The Pulitzer Prize winning Goodwin said she was seeking a new challenge and that trading in salacious, tawdry and juicy gossip seemed too tempting to pass up.  


NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams has taken on a night shift as a meat packer in lower Manhattan to "stay in touch with the common man." Williams says he's determined not to lose his blue-collar-Nascar -country- workingman -one-of-the-people-Limbaugh-listening- roots. "I was a sewer worker, dish washer and grease monkey before becoming a journalist. If I can't get my hands chaffed and raw I don't feel like I'm truly working," Williams said on his cell phone where he was having dinner at Le Bernardin.     


Building on the success of its 28 cover stories on Jesus in the past year, Time Magazine launches a weekly column "What Would Jesus Make Of This News." The feature will offer imaginary commentary on news items of the week through the eyes of Jesus. "Some may think this is a stunt to increase our subscriber base and that's inaccurate. Many think this," said one of the editors. 


New York Times columnist Paul Krugman confessed to a group of journalism students that he gets so excessively agitated at the Bush administration on a daily basis that he must heavily sedate himself before writing his column. "I pop several Seconals so I can think straight because otherwise my column would read like a deranged, rabid rant," he said. 


A former news producer for the Fox News Channel says the use of steroids is "rampant and widespread" among all on-air personalities except Alan Colmes, who he claims takes Viagra before the show. "It gets them pumped up to promote the Bush administration like you wouldn't believe. You don't think that's natural behavior for a journalist do you," said the person who asked to remain anonymous fearing retribution.  


USA Today, in an acknowledgement that most of its copies sit on hotel floors in front of guest rooms in the early morning, began posting a large "Do Not Disturb" banner across the top of the masthead. " "Our market research showed this was a good way to curry favor with business travelers who forgot to affix the hotel's same message on their door knob," said the paper's head of distribution. 


Cybersatirist Bob Hirschfeld (bob@bobsfridge.com), who's been skewering the news online since 1996 at Bob's Fridge Door (bobsfridge.com) couldn't resist taking on the news media once again after the feedback from last year's parody.